The real world is JUST like high school. You have the popular crowd, the various groups everyone hates, and then you have the invisible people who wander around. No one knows they’re there, and no one cares to find out.
I think it’s time to accept the fact that my place in life is with those invisible people. Just like in high school, nobody seems to know or care I exist besides my own family. I don’t know how many Friday and Saturday nights I spent at home in high school, even when my “friends” would be going out together as a group. Usually I’m out on Friday with a trivia team (who STILL leave me out to go do other things, I’m just learning), but my life for the most part is still the same.
My only question is: did they simply forget about me, or did they intentionally not include me?
I’m so sick and tired of being “invisible girl”. In high school, at least I had the idea that when I left home and ventured out to college, everything would be different. I would be a social butterfly, comfortable and enjoyable at parties and turning down dates left, right and center. It really wasn’t; in fact, I didn’t make that many friends in college. As for boyfriends? Nope! I coulddddd have dated my roommate’s ex-boyfriend (He liked me), but I couldn’t do it because it broke some serious girl-code rules and because he didn’t believe in God.
Now, what do I have? Sure, I have a job, an apartment and a car. Cool. That’s what I WORKED for, but why am I still not happy? It’s because I feel like despite my successes professionally, I’m still on the sidelines watching everyone live their lives and I can’t even get mine started. God knows I’ve TRIED. I’ve gone beyond my comfort level by going to social events that I’ve felt suffocated in (I pretend I’m okay, but I’m actually pretty terrible in crowds) but it’s not enough. I could rely on the age-old excuse of my weight, but it’s not the whole issue.
No matter WHAT changes I’ve made to my life, I can’t seem to get it started. At this rate, I’ll be 30 and stuck in the same damn place in my life. I honestly think I’m going nowhere in my personal life.
All I know is that I’m tired of being Invisible Girl and I wish someone would realize that I’m not invisible, that I DO exist and have feelings and a name (Sarah, not…well, any of the other names I’ve been called by co-workers I’ve worked with for two years now).
Before you express your concern (if you even read this), I’m not suicidal or anything like that. This is literally THE only place I can express my stream-of-conscious thoughts. This has just been on my mind since last night and I’m pretty afraid that if I don’t get my emotions out before I see these bitches on Wednesday, I’ll have verbal diarrhea and say things I don’t want said.